The Untold Story of My Journey Breastfeeding, Pumping, and Letting Go of Expectations
- Lauren Alonso
- Nov 14, 2024
- 4 min read
Most women brush their hair and spruce up their makeup before taking those highly-coveted fresh 48 photos. By now you know, I’m not most women. 34 hours of labor, 31 of it unmedicated, and this is how I look. 20lbs of extra fluids, rat’s nest in my hair, as I feed my freshly birthed son. It’s kinda how I felt during my breastfeeding journey - unfiltered, interrupted, and if I’m honest, disappointed.
I consider myself somewhat crunchy as a mom - I use essential oils, I had planned a homebirth, and I spend my days homeschooling and making meals that feed my family.
I wanted to tackle breastfeeding, but it tackled me instead. I knew it would require a lot of me, more determination than 34 hours of laboring an acynclitic baby.
I confessed my concerns to my doula and friend. I was afraid of how I would sustain so many sleepless nights, weary of co-sleeping, in the beginning.
Ya girl needs 8-10 hours of uninterrupted sleep and I knew that wasn’t going to happen. I just didn’t know how my body was going to do that and nourish my son.
The first 4-5 days before my milk came in, one of my breasts was engorged and my LC was concerned I might be developing mastitis.
I felt so depleted already and had no energy left. Visit after visit, I was less convinced I would breastfeed Abel, but I was pumping as often as I could, often struggling with choosing rest versus pumping.
I tried breastfeeding and while I wanted that time to bond, I released the expectation that I needed to. I threw in the towel but exclusively pumped til 6 months around the clock, but listened intently to my body.
I fed through our house-wide sickness, a massive ear infection, and Abel having a close call with RSV. I froze the oversupply of my milk and still pumped 2-3 times a day.
Reluctantly, I introduced formula at 6 months to help supplement his feedings and baby foods.
I didn’t listen to the chatter on social about this vs that. I kept my focus on making sure he had what he needed to thrive. But I was still hard on myself.
My goal was to make it 12 months pumping. I made it 10.5. My husband celebrated me. He congratulated me and cheered for me. I felt I had let myself and my baby down.
But I chose to celebrate. I switched to a European formula and Abel was eating plenty of table foods. Yet, he was still waking up to feed twice in the night.
The reason I share my story is because I know there are women out there that have or will struggle. I know you need to hear truth spoken over you.
The best way to feed your baby is to feed your baby. No pressure from anyone, including yourself, should make you feel less than as a woman or a mom.
Don’t get sucked into the right way, or unmet expectations. Celebrate your baby. Celebrate being a mom. Don’t get caught up in the details. They will fade. I don’t think about it every second now. I see a happy, healthy 13-month-old who loves his mommy.
Give yourself permission to release the weight and pressure to be the perfect breastfeeding mom.
"Motherhood is a journey of grace, both for our babies and ourselves."
If you're in the trenches of new motherhood, I want to encourage you with a few things that I had to remind myself:
Be flexible with your feeding goals.
Listen to your body and mental well-being.
Know that every feeding choice you make is a step in caring for your baby.
Remember that breastfeeding is not the only way to bond with your baby.
And just for laughs...here's the most epic breastfeeding photo to remind you to laugh, friend. Life is too short to take too seriously!
More in Store
As I am about to walk through another birth, I have so many untold stories and content I am adding soon! I would love for you to be on our list to learn, be inspired, or just be a fly on the wall. Here are some upcoming topics:
My Second Attempt at Homebirth
Adoption Stories
Supplies for Birth and Postpartum
New Mom and Baby Must-Haves
If you’re navigating your own feeding journey, know that you’re not alone. Join our Joyful Life Insiders Community on Patreon, where we encourage each other through every season of motherhood.
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With joy,
Lauren Alonso
Topics:
breastfeeding struggles, exclusive pumping journey, how to balance breastfeeding and sleep, breastfeeding support, new mom breastfeeding tips, overcoming breastfeeding challenges, and breastfeeding expectations vs. reality
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